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神田 ユウ ([personal profile] beanstalk) wrote in [community profile] niteo_logs2011-11-25 08:29 pm

(no subject)

Characters: Kanda Yu [[livejournal.com profile] promisedlotus], Lavi [[livejournal.com profile] looseleafbook]
When: November 25th
Where: Apartments
Rating: G
Summary: No one's harder hit than them.

Allen. Link. Cross. Mikk. All recent losses, and if Kanda wanted to go back even further, he could count his double as well. Exorcists from their world had flocked to Nesreca, and now, it seems they're all being taken away. Like the past few months and weeks were nothing but a tease, a 'game' of Libitina's. Kanda's always shrugged off loss, always quickly moved on, because that's who he was.

He's had no choice but to change the past year while he's been here. Gained time with Alma, experienced what it would be like if...Alma got to live on, as an Akuma, and as an Exorcist. Possibilities brought to light thanks to alternate universes. He actually got what you could consider, for him, close to Allen Walker. And yeah, they fought. They argued. They clashed and butted heads, like they always have. But it was never as often here. It was more 'swallow your pride and work together.'

But he cared. Losing Allen is what started it, for him.

Restless nights, continuous unease and frustration that he just couldn't find a release for. Then Link left. Then Cross, and shortly after, Mikk. His frustration and irritation at losing Cross was clearly now known by all, whether they chose to acknowledge it or not. It was there as plan as day on the network. Link and Mikk he barely knew, and didn't really care that much for. Just another piece of 'home,' as it was starting to become, while they were around.

It would definitely be nice if they could get a break from this, of people they were close with leaving. But considering their lives, how they've lived, it was probably too much to ask for.

Kanda makes his way inside of the apartments after trying meditation for an hour and a half, and he has to pause as he passes one of the doors by the front door. Room 102...didn't have a name. He just stood there, staring for a long moment. 'Allen Walker' was still very faintly visible if you knew where to look. Now, the newest name, Lenalee's, was wiped.

Oh you had to be fucking kidding him. You have to be fucking kidding.

He didn't know if it was a good thing he wasn't feeling much emotion at discovering another departure. Yeah, he was a little angry. Lenalee didn't deserve to be sent back home, where she was likely being overworked with so few Exorcists left. She could at least rest here, even if she hated it here. He knew that being here was stressful for her, grating on her sanity. He wasn't blind to that. He tried to support here where he could, after all. He was sure everyone else here did, too, in their own way. Save for the Noah, anyway.

...Maybe she really was better off there, though. With Komui. In her proper Home, even if he wouldn't be there.

Ahhh, this sucks. Kanda's shoulders slumped a bit before he continued on to the stairs, climbing up all flights in order to reach Lavi's room. He had simply planned to ask for a spar, considering how hard Lavi had been taking the losses too, but...

Sparring may end up having to wait, once Kanda tells the redhead the news. And as he stood in front of Lavi's door, part of him was dreading it. Might as well tell him now, since he'll find out eventually anyway.

So he lifts up a hand and just. knocks on the door, hoping the other is actually in his room and not out somewhere moping and brooding.

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-11-26 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
Lavi wasn't out moping and brooding for once, he had no energy for it. Not when so many people had started disappearing right underneath their noses and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. Allen leaving had been a difficult blow, they had after all just finished up recording the welcome video that they were to be handing out when they got newbies. But Lavi just kept watching it on repeat, playing it over and over again on his own personal device instead of sharing Allen's last few carefree moments here. Home was going to be hell on the younger teen that he had come to consider his younger brother.

And then more loss, Link and Cross both. Like Kanda he hadn't been as close to them as he had been Allen, like he had gotten with someone wearing the face of their enemy...

Mikk had become a source of information for the redhead, a mentor in ways that Bookman hadn't been able to fill. He was teaching Lavi ways to survive because the world that Mikk knew was so much more violent and hostile toward the Exorcists and they needed to show a tough front at all times. But it also felt that at the same time Mikk was trying to protect him from all the things that could go wrong, teaching him so that he could take care of himself and others. He had lost a big brother when Mikk had gone on home as well.

Too many projects lay left undone now and there weren't enough knowledgeable hands to get things done. Not that Lavi much cared at the moment. After watching the video for the 264th time since Allen left the redhead pulled himself out of the bed and was pulling the second bottle of alcohol out of its hiding spot in his dresser when the knock on the door came.

He glances at it, assuming at first that he heard things and goes back to pulling a cup out of the drawer as well. Mikk had told him to keep it after they were talking about the other's home again, looking over stats after getting rid of that body. It seemed like it was yesterday yet the redhead knew it was over a month ago. Funny...

Lavi sighs and leans his head against the top of the sealed bottle, looking at the door again. "What."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-11-26 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
There weren't even masses and masses of books that Lavi could go through and hide in to ignore the things that hurt so badly. Perhaps they both should go out hunting for bear and take them down with their bare hands like Alma did. Or see if Tyki would at least fight them, the redhead dare not spar against the recent Noah addition to their "little family". But then again that would have consequences in itself they didn't want to deal with.

Kanda too is a brother so it had hurt horribly when the copy had gone on to his own home. Lavi hadn't interacted with the grown-Alma to call him by such a name but they were more like the kids that picked on each other in grade school, harmless teasing and bickering. The kid...was growing on him but Lavi didn't know if he wanted the younger to fall in with his little family.

Tell him about it...

That depends on Lavi or Kanda bringing them up, or one of the other people. They still have to do something with the kiln that Mikk put together, either winterize it or destroy it though the former might be best. They didn't know if Libitina would reach into Mikk's world again and grab him or someone else.

Kanda's familiar voice coming through the wooden door is like a balm to some of the hurt yet rips a band-aid off another part of it. He still wasn't over the "older" one leaving. Lavi crosses over to the door with the booze still in hand, opening the door himself and gesturing for the other to come in. So far Rhode had proven to be a quiet neighbor, surprisingly enough.

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-11-27 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
They only had so many books that Lavi hadn't read over here in Nesreca that had survived the unfriendly passage of time, as for the library in Credinta...he could only stay over there for so long. So hunting might be the best idea for things in the end, they could secure food for everyone for a while that way if they found another bear or perhaps even a moose or two.

They needed to stop losing people, that was what bothered Lavi the most. His friends were going back to places where he couldn't fight alongside them or protect them. And if he went home...there was no telling what would happen to him.

(Lavi hasn't spent a lot of time with him yet aside from lessons.)

The redhead or some other busybody will get into making the projects known. Make it part of his welcome speech as well if he has to when he links that video that he and Allen made.

N-no! Lavi actually pulls it up out of Kanda's reach in that passing moment, turning to hide it behind his back as he shuts the door. He wasn't going to drink a lot to be honest, he had no desire to face that hangover again. But just one or two glasses would be enough to numb pain enough so that he could move on.

"What is it, Yu?"

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-11-30 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
It might if they had a proper cold room, perhaps a butcher's shop survived enough that they could somehow use it. Lavi had no idea how to use it but technology used back in 1890s wasn't as complicated as what they were faced with today in 2000. A fridge would be nice though if they could somehow afford one and a cord long enough that they could hide somehow along the river.

He'll try and stay as best he can so long as you do the same, it isn't fair at all in his mind that people go back. People that need the "break" that Nesreca offers even if they're still fighting to survive.

(Snowforts!)

He hasn't even had one damn drink yet and already you're harping on him. He spent his money on it and he'll consume it. Or...probably end up giving to Kiriko in case he needs it for medicinal purposes, it's pretty handy that way.

Lavi pauses. Almost like a deer in the headlights kind of look. His face then starts to fall from its carefully blank one into one of tired mourning. "Dammit... We need to stop losing people, Yu. It's not fair!"

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-04 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
Perhaps Lavi will look into it in the library over in Credinta next time he heads over that way. With the way folks are disappearing he hasn't gone over there in a few weeks, he doesn't want to miss anyone else leaving. Doesn't want to have another one go without a good-bye, regardless whether or not they'll remember it wherever their home might be.

But he's glad that Kanda and Alma are staying at least.

One, not stupid. Two, glad that you admit he's your best friend. And three, he's not going to drink his ass off. He was going to just have a drink or two.

"It was fair for a little when it brought us all together. Fair when it gave you Alma..."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-06 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
Lavi'll get use to the idea that he has to keep moving on soon. Right now he just doesn't want to, wants to linger in the memories. But he's better than that, a better student than most realize, all they see is him making friends and never realize that some of them are never really friends. The only ones Lavi cares to call friends are those from home.

At this point the redhead doesn't ever want to go home, all that's waiting for him there is separation from everyone else and he doesn't even know if they're alright. Doesn't know if he'll ever return to their side. Lavi doesn't even care if he's fighting Akuma and Noah again, it's better than what's in store.

Not stupid. And will never ever shut up, you should have learned that by now. Drinking. He's going to do it. Unless you're going to compensate him for the alcohol. That's the only way that you're going to get it and to pour it in the ground.

"I know..." Lavi looks away from him, "It's just...something that might happen."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-08 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
Lavi doesn't want to move forward right now, being reminded that they're gone (perhaps even permanently) is too much right now. His memories of the others are so vivid that they can't even be called memories, sometimes Lavi can go back and relive each of them. Sometimes he wishes he could just live in them, the good and bad ones. But if everyone left and he was alone...nothing would get done.

He doubts the Noah would tell anything if they knew. And he sincerely doubts that Kanda wants to inform him that he's still missing three months later. Or what has happened to Allen and Link. Time...time is so horrible to all of them.

And the time here has made Lavi wish and long for the war, a war that he's hated like all the others. All the lives being taken and yet he yearns to be able to fight again, a life without conflict was simply one he couldn't get used to. "I can't just turn it off... I've been like that since I was six."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-10 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
"Eventually" is not "now" and he's not going to choose now as his eventually either. Eventually is tomorrow's horizon or the next day's or the day after that. He's never had people to get over before. Never had people this close. It hurt a lot like it did when he had to kill what Doug had become. All those memories and days relived that did nothing to help his mental stability in the long run.

It would.

It would be nice to know - at least secretly - that he was worried after and being looked for. As it is if just told that they've been missing for three months then Lavi would think that he wasn't wanted at all. That they've gone on without him. And it kills him.

Which is why he loves it here with everyone. He gets to live with them longer than he does at home now.

"I turn it off and then what? Where do I go from there?" He doesn't have anything else.

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-11 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Don't want to choose a "now" any time soon, let him be! Dammit. He doesn't normally do this and you know it, let him be selfish this once and sulk. It wasn't a matter of Falling in Doug's case at least. No. Don't know that because none of you talk to him. Or talked in some cases.

He's not supposed to be missed, he wouldn't expect to be but his heart wants to be missed. To hear it allowed would bring a real smile on his face.

"A life like that seems sort of empty..."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-18 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, when did he become your rabbit in particular? Lavi doesn't remember any exchange of ownership from himself to you except in the regards of friendship and sharing that bond with one another. As in you're his friend and he's yours. Allen's disappearance hurt a lot more than anyone else's had, he didn't realize how much he too relied on his little brother. And with everyone else gone...there wasn't a whole bunch left to keep going on for.

Sure there were folks here that they had to take care of but all that Lavi had left really was Kanda. Alma (big and little) weren't his in that sense, he didn't know them regardless of them being from his home. They were Kanda's.

Thank you.

Lavi looks over at Kanda, remaining quiet even after the swordsman mentions their mutual friend and comrade. It's sad that this sort of separation was the trigger to get Kanda to admit that their relationship even existed in that sense. Using his name means that he's risen in your ranks of respect from where he was once not even worthy of knowing his name. Because he'd be gone so quickly.

When it seems as if the Exorcist wasn't going to speak again the redhead's gaze drops down to the bottle in his hand. He moves quietly to where his cups are, pouring a decent amount of liquid in six cups, one for each of those that are gone. A cheers. Lavi then takes a quick swig of the bottle himself but it's no more than a shot that's already in the glasses before him.

"I don't know. Perhaps that's what she wants. To make us go insane wondering what we should even be doing." They had to fight yet there was nothing here to fight. They were weapons laid up after times of war were over and the plow and hoe taken up again, they were the stories told late at night around the fire and left to gather dust. Until perhaps one day they were needed again.

"I want to go home..."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2011-12-24 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh good, that makes him feel a little bit better about things. But the thing with people leaving and it hurting - not just Allen though that had hurt the most - was that Lavi was letting himself make real friends. Even with the ones he was already friends with. So when they left a part of him was missing more strongly than he was used to, the hurt was deeper and he didn't know how to recover from it.

He knew one way actually, to close off and hide in that Bookman exterior. But he had promised himself he wasn't going to numb himself like that, to hide. He'd get through this, he just has to find his own way and his own strength. Give him time.

Six people that Lavi missed. That he wished were here again. No matter the circumstances. Allen, Lenalee, Cross, 'llujah, Mikk, and Timcampy. Others had left as well but these hit hard enough to dent the happy and friendly mask he showed the world. He remembered them all.

He puts the bottle down next to the glasses, moving over to where Kanda is. Threat of being hit or not. He too wants to fight. Perhaps they should both just go outside the next rainy day and punch the ever-loving shit out of each other. Maybe then Lavi could get over it. And they both would have gotten some frustration out at being so useless here.

"I'm not giving up, giving up would be drinking myself in a stupor and doing something stupid that would get myself killed. And I wouldn't care. I just... I might go crazy without something to do, Yu..."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2012-01-03 09:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Seems like they both need to close back up a bit, find a way to make sure it doesn't hurt as much when they leave... It sucks, it really does. But they both can't be the hard-ass, Lavi will start to leave it to Kanda again tomorrow. He knows how to pull out - you just have to pull an Allen and carry on.

Walk on.

And who knew, maybe one day they'd be returned to them. But for now they had to help hide each other's dents, pick up where the other lags and cover. Help each other more than they had been to appear normal.

...Even if he pushes you into a pit of zombies? Really? It's just what the doctor ordered, don't you think? Though there isn't really anyone to fuss over them anymore either, they can doctor their own hurts.

"We can try fixing this place up...restore it to its former glory."

[personal profile] outsidehistory 2012-01-04 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Always sucks when you have to pretend that nothing's wrong, there's no chance to get over things because there's always something to do. Somewhere to go or food to gather. For Lavi the mask isn't all that hard to wear, the same one that Allen wears as he bears the burden, it's just heavily fractured and he's not sure how much longer it'll last.

Someday they'll all be together again, that's what Lavi keeps telling himself. Here and at home. Definitely at home.

It's a good thing they're getting closer then, that way checking up on each other won't be so much of a chore. Though you should know better about Lavi being "silent" company. That and Lavi just don't go together very well when he's being a normal and happy rabbit.

"Do you think they'd do a good job at it?"

/pets that icon

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