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(no subject)

Characters: Kanda Yu [

promisedlotus], Y O U!
When: Backdate to Saturday, March 17th.
Where: Apartment Rooftop.
Rating: G.
Summary: Kanda and his feels and lack of duty in Nesreca.

[

"Fight.

It is your duty, as someone chosen by Innocence.

Your duty!"

Those words had been ringing in Kanda's head for what felt like days, with how slow time seems to pass in Nesreca. The reality is, though, they've only been in the forefront of his mind since morning. It was weird, he actually had a dream...about the grand generals, the only group of 'Exorcists' (Because who's to say anyone's seen them actually fight? Or is their title just for show?) uttering those lines, as if talking directly to him.

He didn't get it. He didn't get why he had the dream at all, as brief as it was, and it had been bothering him the entire day. Maybe it just...has to do with General Nine coming here, forced to stay with them (on his floor, no less), while Cross did whatever the hell he wanted.

Two Generals. Two Exorcists. No Noah.

Really...what was the point? They had nothing to fight for. Nothing to protect, really. They were just...here. Existing.

God, how he hates the feeling of deja vu. It wouldn't be the first time he's actually felt helpless, either. When Lenalee left, he felt helpless then, too. Every single person from their world had dwindled down to just four in a matter of two months. Two months. In a sense, it had an irony that almost paralleled Home. Because they were at war, you never knew when one parted ways...if it'll be for the last time. Here, in this desolate "city," you never know who's still here in the morning.

He hated it. It was quiet enough here where he hated it. Every morning, he had to check the rooms. He had to make sure that everyone was still here. Save for Sasuke, if he counted correctly, he's been here the longest.

How is he even still sane.

He watched the strain trying to hold everything together put on Allen. He watched Lenalee's sanity start to chip away the longer she stayed.

All he ever did was watch.

Kanda lifted a hand to cover his face, gritting his teeth as he laid on the rooftop of the apartments. It was still cool out as dust approached, and the rain and sleet had been going on and off all day. He didn't care. He laid there still, only his wool jacket protecting his torso from the cold.

He didn't care if he got sick again. He just wanted the cold, decaying air to help clear his mind.

Kanda parted gloved fingers and glanced up into the cloudy sky, his vision providing the additional raining lotus petals. His time was running out, but as long as he stayed here, he had a little more, didn't he?

He wanted to wait. Wait for Allen to come back (if he ever did, Libitina was more than yanking everyone's chain in December), or wait to be sent home and make the most of it here... Those were the only choices that he seemed to be left with.

There was only so many projects they could do, so much time that they would successfully distract him and keep him busy.

Sorry, Allen. It's hard to live when there's so little left. You can punch him when you get back.]

[[ ooc: tl;dr, he's moping on the rooftop. bother him!! ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Everyone would be nice to have here. Lavi was missing the old man terribly and wanted to see him again. Wanted him out of that dangerous situation. Wanted them all back at the Order together but he knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon. Here was the best chance they had of being together again. Neither of them were used to having people that meant something to them up and leave. Not this frequently.

Rhode was a valid concern though - her second and short visit aside - it's doubtful that Lenalee would blame him for trying to focus on one of the few enemies they had here. Lenalee was just always there waiting for them to come home to her because she cared for them so much. And Kanda's grown if he knows that what he did was a little wrong, he could apologize when they came back. Even if it ended up being that they didn't remember what the apology was for.

Lavi's walls aren't much stronger, perhaps just a little bit more because of him not caring about everyone that came and left. Even if he made bonds with them, Allen and Lenalee both were just major dents in the wall. But much longer... He didn't know how well they'd hold if Kanda or Alma lost. They were the last two walls so to speak.

(To him where they live doesn't matter.)

It's so relative and fleeting, what makes them all happy. Perhaps...perhaps they'll both be happy with Lenalee and Allen back by their sides again. And it won't be satisfaction or contentment.

Yeah, we don't need you falling back into that slump. You were bad enough when Lavi was in his so you don't get to do the same yourself, or at least alone. If you're going to drown in the memories (alcohol or no) you're going to do it with Lavi at your side. Because maybe then they can drag each other out with a sudden fist fight at having let the other seen the tear slide down their cheek or a face crumple in sorrow.

You should really thank Lavi for that, he's the one that got bitty to throw it all out. Hell, he's even thrown his own out after that farewell toast.

And don't make him drag you to see Kiriko about your health. You need to see a doctor and he's the only one that won't toss them out on their asses even if he is in training. Perhaps they should have made use of the healers they had before they all disappeared. ...Wait, they do have Sakura now but she's not spoken of her skills.]

Not for me.

[Lavi needed something to do so badly he almost burned with it. He was tempted - oh, so tempted - to go into Credinta and try and merge with the culture simply to record their history despite not having the resources that he needed nor the materials (i.e. proper identification) necessary to live there. He was willing to do that just for something to do that wasn't... This horrible excuse of existence.

Thank you for letting him be childish this once. He needs someone to be close to and he doesn't have anyone. Not really. Not like Kanda does with Alma.

But he lets the other's hand slip from his own as soon as they enter the library.]

Wait here, I'll bring towels from my room.

[He would be nice to have everyone here, to escape from the war, if only for a while. Neither of them were used to it, yeah, but what choice did they have but to get used to it? But it doesn't mean it never hurt, though. It's obvious that they've suffered being here for so long. Sasuke, too.

Rhode was always a concern, especially if she tried to flaunt information like she had when she was first here. That was what pretty much had Kanda's attention the entire time, just the threat of her telling - or worse, showing - Alma what she had seen in North America. But he should have still done better, should have controlled himself better. He shouldn't have needed be tackled down in the stairwell by Lenalee - a desparate Lenalee, at that.

She deserved better from him. He was pretty much one of her serrogate brothers, and he failed in that role.

Maybe it helped to be a Bookman apprintence in that case. But as long as he could help it, Kanda wasn't going anywhere. He'd be damned if he did. He had to help keep things together, he couldn't be off running around at home. (Even if that was kind of what he planned to do at home, too.)

(At least there they could busy themselves with actual jobs.)

Perhaps. There's only one way to find out, and that's...wait and see if they ever come back. (Kanda's nearly convinced Allen might not.) He's selfish in hoping they do. ~~Maybe even a Noah, too, just so it won't be completely boring.~~

Hey hey, he tries not to fall back that way. But he doesn't really intend to do anything alone, at least maybe not on purpose. But a fist fight or...something physical sounds good, right now. Something they both need.

Funny, how that happened. Kanda had been the one to try and get rid of your alcohol, too.

Oi, why does he need to see a doctor? He's fine!! You can ask for a check-up if you want, but there are certain things about his health that he wants to keep secret. Especially when they eventually apply to Alma, too.]

Whatever.

[Why not do it? It might give them a better insight to Nesreca, too. Hard to say if it's something they can do without Cross noticing, though. And it is something Lavi and Lavi alone specializes in.

As long as it stays between them, he's fine with it. He remembers what it's like not to have anyone.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets once they get to the library.] Sure.

[They'd be escaping the war for how long? How long, Kanda? You and he both know that this reverie isn't meant to last, this little "get away". And no everyone would appreciate it with all that they've put into the war, all of the work and time away from any family they might have. They all need to be cut a break, seriously.

Perhaps - if she came again - she'd be more subdued than she was before, quieter and less inclined to kill them. But then again that was a wish just like everything else and unlikely to happen. Perhaps she'll come again and not even know of Alma. That one was more realistic at least. If it weren't Lenalee it would've been Lavi.

At least if she came again there was a chance that they could start over. She wouldn't ever need to know.

And running around here was no fun at all.

But just wait, Kanda. Who knows, we might find Johnny just around the corner or Reever trying to wake someone up.

Then they'll train. Early every morning, they'll go outside rain, shine, fog, or snow and train. Or just brawl if it's one of those days where nothing wants to go right from the start.

Because you're human now and humans need to see the doctor. But Lavi'd understand the want and need for secrecy, which is why he'd suggest Kiriko first.

Lavi won't go in, he doesn't have a social security number (if they need/have those in Russia), a drivers license, a birth certificate, a visa or passport. He'd certainly be asked questions like that if he tried to get a credit card or rent a place. And Cross helping might get them noticed.

He won't mention it.

Lavi gives him a small smile and ducks out of the room, leaving Kanda alone with them for a while. He'll find a pile of brightly colored books in an area marked "For Alma" in one corner, children's books that can help with his reading skills.]

[However long Libitina decided to keep them there before sending them home...for however long. It's better than nothing. Even if it's only for a week.

Maybe, who knows. If Rhode evr came back then they would have to hope that Allen would soon follow, otherwise Cross would have to be the one to play peacemaker. (Which would require him to be here more than just once a week.) And if it hadn't been Lenalee it probably would've been Allen and Lavi.

Part of him selfishly hopes that they all come back. They were...like an odd family, even with Mikk (whom Kanda didn't really know) and the older Kanda and Alma. (Dare he even go as far as to say that Tyki the Noah was even tame and provided a bit of fresh air too?)

That... You know, as much as he's belittled the Science Department in the past (with good reason!!), it would be nice to see. It really, really would be nice to see. Something else that would bring normalcy to this barren city.

He'd like that. How early would you be willing to get up though, Lavi? Kanda's taken note that you're not much of a morning person, at least when it comes to how early he gets up. (Somehow he still manages, even though there's no reason to anymore. Even when he's felt like crap and just wanted to sleep in or all day, he still got up at 4am.)

Humans only need to see the doctor when they're injured or sick. Kanda is neither of these things and doesn't need to see anyone! :T (That and he doesn't want to answer any questions about the oddity of his decaying Second Exorcist body.)

Cross has managed thus far, hasn't he? Kanda wouldn't doubt his ability to try and get one other person over there in Credinta.

Good.

Kanda lets his shoulders sink once Lavi leaves the room, taking a glance around the makeshift library. He stopped once he noticed the stack of books stacked for Alma and walked over to them, picking up one of the books to look through. ~~There might have been the slightest upwards twitch of his lips as he does so.~~]

[He can't wait to be sent home, even if it means that he'll be hurt quite badly. He will have gotten to see the old man and Chaoji, gotten to see what would happen and make his life so held up that he couldn't get back to everyone.

Having Cross back would be a good thing, he wouldn't be racking up debts in your name then. And they'd have a better chance of not getting everyone killed or arrested simply because he refused to live over here. Come on now, Kanda. You know you can live without the loudmouth here if you had Lenalee or Allen.

The altered ones coming back remembering this place or being the same was so very slim to none, you'd have better luck with someone from home as you remembered it.

He might not be a morning person but with the way the building faces he's taken to watching the sunrises from his bed then rolling over to sleep more. He can certainly wake up if you need him to do something, he'll be grumpy but he'll get up. And who knows, after a while it'll become routine and he'll get up more willingly.

You would have if you kept making your liver shut down. And if we get them to see the decaying maybe they'll be able to fix you so you can stay around.

Lavi comes back in quietly and drops the towel on Kanda's head, he saw the smile - however slight - at The Little Engine That Could.]

You can read that one to him if you want or have him read it to you.

[No, Lavi. You can't leave. Kanda won't let you. ~~He'd probably break if you did.~~ Stay here, they'll keep each other sane. It would be way too quiet without you here, and it's bad enough if he wants a Noah to come back, deep down.

Having Cross over here wouldd definitely help. He could practically be Alma's full-time teacher then, and he knows Alma would like that. Just another tiny bitty step closer to being normal, for him.

He still hopes that they come back. Kanda came back once, didn't he? Even if it was only for two weeks, he still came back. And he remembered. There were others that left and remembered being here, too. So it's not...too much of a stretch.

Up to you, Lavi. He wouldn't mind having another meditation buddy. He'd love it, even. Then when it's over he can let you go back to sleep, since he always goes back to his room to watch over Alma until he gets up.

Well the thing is... he's pretty much dead sure that it can't be fixed. The area's practially as hard as stone and he's lost feeling there. As long as he doesn't do anything stupid, he'll have more time here while like this than he would have at home in the middle of a war.

Not that he's...told anyone about it. (Alma gets to find out the hard way.)

Kanda looks up when he feels the towel on his head, reaching to pull it off as he glances back at Lavi.]

Did you pick out all of these for him?

Edited 2012-04-20 16:36 (UTC)

[You can't stop him from leaving! He will leave! ...One day. ~~You're not allowed to break.~~ But for now he'll stay around and keep you sane because you keep him sane too. Because there's no one he can throw a punch at when he's frustrated beyond belief and not have them think he's pissed at them instead of their situation. Kanda understands.

They just need to either convince Cross to adopt Alma over there or come back over here, with or without his "beloved lady". Even though it's creepy that she looks just like Anita. Lavi doesn't hold much hope in it, too many others haven't remembered this place at all, what's the one that comes back next will.

Let him fall back asleep and he'll sleep right there, wherever the meditation takes place. And there might be a way to stop it but there's a bad part about taking Kanda over there to be checked out. They might want to keep him to observe his injuries and the treatments.

The redhead is already drying his own hair, nodding.] Figured he'd like some easy reading and the stories are kinda cute too.

[Watch him, Lavi. Watch him stop you when that day comes. ~~You leaving will, though.~~ There's got to be more than just that reason to stay, Lavi. And yes, they've gotten that close during their stay here, haven't they? Kanda was...that close to Allen, too, before...

They do. Except they both know that Nesreca is "too dirty" for the vain priest. Does she? He wouldn't know, never met the woman. But hoping is something that helps Kanda along. Something he really didn't do until he came here, really.

It's fine, he can just carry you back like he carried Lenalee in Edo. And yeah, Kanda isn't staying anywhere against his will other than his room. Doctors be damned. He has more time here, that's all that matters to him.

Kanda's just letting the towel rest on a shoulder while going through the books.] He'll love them. Treasure them, even.

[Glancing back up at the redhead. He'll have to bring his backpack up here later to get them all.] Thank you, Lavi.

[How are you going to stop him? By sitting on him? That's not like you, Kanda. Stop clinging. ~~Not allowed.~~ He doesn't want to leave anyone from home here, that's another reason but he has so few that sound stronger than that. Weak excuses that barely hold up. Don't think about being that close to someone again, just let whatever happens happen.

At least the apartment building is clean once more. They have that much. She does, Lavi hasn't met her but he remembers the video when she was in the background. Or something like that. They'll hope together, on different things.

Nah, just leave him there. He'll learn after a few times to make it back to the building or his room before falling asleep. Lavi smiles a little.]

Careful, going to make him into a bookworm like me. [A wider smile.] No need to thank, you need to work on your Russian too.

[He's not clinging, and he's certainly capable of knocking some sense into you through other means. Can you really just cut the bonds you've made at home and here and move on? Ditch your Innocence without Falling? You're an Exorcist now, fighting in a holy war. You can't just quit when you feel like it's time to move on.

Except they are close now. Kanda's even stopped fighting it, haven't you noticed? He's let himself get close to Allen (someone he declared he absolutely loathed), and now he's letting himself get close to you, too, Lavi. He knows he shouldn't, but it's happened. ~~So yes, that will break him if you go.~~

That's true. At least there's that, and no rush to fix up the building for an oncoming season like before. But it'd still be nice to have more than just one general constantly around, even if Cross is trying to help them in their own way. Different things, huh? What are you hoping for, Lavi? To go home?

Shut up he'll take you back. He's not leaving you to get sick, even if you did ask for it. He's been down that road before, and it wasn't fun.

Can't help but snort at that, flipping through the book.] Better than being a roughian like me. And there's need for thanks and my Russian is just fine, thank you.

[Totally clinging if you don't want him to go anywhere. But if there's no one from home here then he has no reason to stay either. Despite any feelings he might have for people here that aren't in their home. And don't even bring Innocence into this fight because we weren't talking about that. It knows the deal, knew it when he signed up.

He has noticed it. You're letting him hold your hand and cling and do all sorts of things that you normally wouldn't. Hell, you're even contemplating letting him meditate with you! That's close for a Kanda Yu! So he'll cherish and take care of this closeness for as long as he can.

There's always the garden, maybe some way to work out an outdoor shelter. An awning of sorts over the entryway so that they can have shade in the summer and protection from the snow/rain. Always hoping to go home, where as Kanda is hoping that home will come here.

He won't get sick! He's the healthy one! Idiots don't get sick! :D]

Just in case, yeah?

[He isn't clinging. Kanda does not cling. And what do the lack of people from home have anything to do with whether you stay or go? You're staying, dammit. You don't have to be a Bookman here. Why do you want to be?

Yes, well, even he gets lonely and needs little things himself. It's only fair that he returns the favor to Lavi, too. And he kind of misses meditating with someone else, even if it's been...what feels like a year since he's done so.

You can only protect the closeness for as long as you're willing to stay there with him and everyone else, though, Lavi.

They can do that. And let Alma help, since he was the one that wanted to take charge of the garden. All the supplies would have to come from Credinta, though, and most likely a little at a time.

But idiots also say what?]

All right. Just in case.

[You're clinging metaphorically if not physically. You've become dependent on his existence here. And you know that's not good, you're supposed to be that giant oak tree that stands on its own and withstands the onslaught of time and storms. You're that rock. If anything Lavi should be the one dependent on you. But his idea of duty still hasn't disappeared, he still feels like he has to do his job. Even if his other job has been put up on the shelf. But he does it because it's all he has left, if he isn't a Bookman or an Exorcist then what is he?

Lost.

You have Alma. A kid more than willing to spend time with you even if it's gardening. It could be good for you, Kanda. A form of relaxation. Something to broaden your world. So it's not all soba, meditation, and training. Lavi doesn't mind spending time with Kanda but he can't be the only thing that he's got.

And closeness...it might have to take a hit. If he does (eventually) go home.

They're not...idiots?]

Thank you, no reason for you to get tossed in jail because your Russian is ancient.

[He's not clinging, and they've both become dependent on who here's. But he's not that rock anymore, being here and actually getting close to a select few people (mostly Lavi and Allen) has made him softer. A rock wouldn't reflect on its past mistakes like he does, and he does it a lot more than he used to. At least when he acts, it's sometimes stupidly and rashly as per usual? There's always that small comfort.

You're not lost, Lavi.

Alma's a special case, you know that. And he does miss gardening, sometimes, though the land here might make it difficult, a little. And it won't be easy to gather supplies to maintain a proper garden. But he does intend to try, to teach Alma the things he's learned over the years.

Then he'll so very, very gladly punch your face if you leave and he sees you again, like he plans to do with Allen. And Kanda. And...others.

They are, though. A pair of idiots.]

It is not!

[That dependency is clinging and you know it. And even if you've gotten mushy, you're still that rock. Because Lavi has no one else to go to but you when he can't handle things anymore. You're still his rock. The one that hits him upside the head or kicks him in the ass when he needs it. Someone who listens when he finally does need to talk.

He would be if he didn't have being a Bookman.

It doesn't matter, you have him and you have Lavi. Lavi just...has you. And if the land in town is too troublesome there's always land outside the city limits. They can build a crude cabin to keep out the elements, or fix up a house out there.

Only if he gets to do the same to you.

Is that what they say about idiots though?]

It is too, no one uses that word for umbrella anymore.

[Denial!!! Well, of course he'll be there for you, and of course he'll hit you when he needs it. It's what he does, and has done for years. Even before they were brought here, though he might have been as willing at home. That's what ~~friends~~ comrades are for, yes?

You'd still have him. He'd keep you from being lost, even if it has to be at a distance.

He wished he'd truly had Alma. But, he's completely fine with just being with him as he is now, an innocent and oblivious child. And they could expand Nesreca a little, couldn't they? Slowly, if only to try and get away from these ruins.

Naturally.

Probably.]

... Close enough.

[Lavi doesn't know, he hasn't had comrades or friends before now. He's still adjusting and sometimes other things take him by surprise.

♥]

No private lessons?

[Well, isn't that what friends are for? At least one of them will always be around with you, Lavi, that's just how stubborn they are.

..............♥]

What? No, my Russian's fine. [Watch him ask later...]

[He supposes, he's still getting used to it. You know that. You are too.]

Then you should go try to have a twenty minute conversation with someone our age over there, see how far you get conversing about the weather.

[But he's gotten a lot better with it if he's let you hold his hand.]

That's just stupid.

How is it stupid?

What point would it even prove?

That you need more modern Russian.

I know enough.

Not enough.