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(no subject)

Characters: Kanda Yu [

promisedlotus], Y O U!
When: Backdate to Saturday, March 17th.
Where: Apartment Rooftop.
Rating: G.
Summary: Kanda and his feels and lack of duty in Nesreca.

[

"Fight.

It is your duty, as someone chosen by Innocence.

Your duty!"

Those words had been ringing in Kanda's head for what felt like days, with how slow time seems to pass in Nesreca. The reality is, though, they've only been in the forefront of his mind since morning. It was weird, he actually had a dream...about the grand generals, the only group of 'Exorcists' (Because who's to say anyone's seen them actually fight? Or is their title just for show?) uttering those lines, as if talking directly to him.

He didn't get it. He didn't get why he had the dream at all, as brief as it was, and it had been bothering him the entire day. Maybe it just...has to do with General Nine coming here, forced to stay with them (on his floor, no less), while Cross did whatever the hell he wanted.

Two Generals. Two Exorcists. No Noah.

Really...what was the point? They had nothing to fight for. Nothing to protect, really. They were just...here. Existing.

God, how he hates the feeling of deja vu. It wouldn't be the first time he's actually felt helpless, either. When Lenalee left, he felt helpless then, too. Every single person from their world had dwindled down to just four in a matter of two months. Two months. In a sense, it had an irony that almost paralleled Home. Because they were at war, you never knew when one parted ways...if it'll be for the last time. Here, in this desolate "city," you never know who's still here in the morning.

He hated it. It was quiet enough here where he hated it. Every morning, he had to check the rooms. He had to make sure that everyone was still here. Save for Sasuke, if he counted correctly, he's been here the longest.

How is he even still sane.

He watched the strain trying to hold everything together put on Allen. He watched Lenalee's sanity start to chip away the longer she stayed.

All he ever did was watch.

Kanda lifted a hand to cover his face, gritting his teeth as he laid on the rooftop of the apartments. It was still cool out as dust approached, and the rain and sleet had been going on and off all day. He didn't care. He laid there still, only his wool jacket protecting his torso from the cold.

He didn't care if he got sick again. He just wanted the cold, decaying air to help clear his mind.

Kanda parted gloved fingers and glanced up into the cloudy sky, his vision providing the additional raining lotus petals. His time was running out, but as long as he stayed here, he had a little more, didn't he?

He wanted to wait. Wait for Allen to come back (if he ever did, Libitina was more than yanking everyone's chain in December), or wait to be sent home and make the most of it here... Those were the only choices that he seemed to be left with.

There was only so many projects they could do, so much time that they would successfully distract him and keep him busy.

Sorry, Allen. It's hard to live when there's so little left. You can punch him when you get back.]

[[ ooc: tl;dr, he's moping on the rooftop. bother him!! ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Watch him, Lavi. Watch him stop you when that day comes. ~~You leaving will, though.~~ There's got to be more than just that reason to stay, Lavi. And yes, they've gotten that close during their stay here, haven't they? Kanda was...that close to Allen, too, before...

They do. Except they both know that Nesreca is "too dirty" for the vain priest. Does she? He wouldn't know, never met the woman. But hoping is something that helps Kanda along. Something he really didn't do until he came here, really.

It's fine, he can just carry you back like he carried Lenalee in Edo. And yeah, Kanda isn't staying anywhere against his will other than his room. Doctors be damned. He has more time here, that's all that matters to him.

Kanda's just letting the towel rest on a shoulder while going through the books.] He'll love them. Treasure them, even.

[Glancing back up at the redhead. He'll have to bring his backpack up here later to get them all.] Thank you, Lavi.

[How are you going to stop him? By sitting on him? That's not like you, Kanda. Stop clinging. ~~Not allowed.~~ He doesn't want to leave anyone from home here, that's another reason but he has so few that sound stronger than that. Weak excuses that barely hold up. Don't think about being that close to someone again, just let whatever happens happen.

At least the apartment building is clean once more. They have that much. She does, Lavi hasn't met her but he remembers the video when she was in the background. Or something like that. They'll hope together, on different things.

Nah, just leave him there. He'll learn after a few times to make it back to the building or his room before falling asleep. Lavi smiles a little.]

Careful, going to make him into a bookworm like me. [A wider smile.] No need to thank, you need to work on your Russian too.

[He's not clinging, and he's certainly capable of knocking some sense into you through other means. Can you really just cut the bonds you've made at home and here and move on? Ditch your Innocence without Falling? You're an Exorcist now, fighting in a holy war. You can't just quit when you feel like it's time to move on.

Except they are close now. Kanda's even stopped fighting it, haven't you noticed? He's let himself get close to Allen (someone he declared he absolutely loathed), and now he's letting himself get close to you, too, Lavi. He knows he shouldn't, but it's happened. ~~So yes, that will break him if you go.~~

That's true. At least there's that, and no rush to fix up the building for an oncoming season like before. But it'd still be nice to have more than just one general constantly around, even if Cross is trying to help them in their own way. Different things, huh? What are you hoping for, Lavi? To go home?

Shut up he'll take you back. He's not leaving you to get sick, even if you did ask for it. He's been down that road before, and it wasn't fun.

Can't help but snort at that, flipping through the book.] Better than being a roughian like me. And there's need for thanks and my Russian is just fine, thank you.

[Totally clinging if you don't want him to go anywhere. But if there's no one from home here then he has no reason to stay either. Despite any feelings he might have for people here that aren't in their home. And don't even bring Innocence into this fight because we weren't talking about that. It knows the deal, knew it when he signed up.

He has noticed it. You're letting him hold your hand and cling and do all sorts of things that you normally wouldn't. Hell, you're even contemplating letting him meditate with you! That's close for a Kanda Yu! So he'll cherish and take care of this closeness for as long as he can.

There's always the garden, maybe some way to work out an outdoor shelter. An awning of sorts over the entryway so that they can have shade in the summer and protection from the snow/rain. Always hoping to go home, where as Kanda is hoping that home will come here.

He won't get sick! He's the healthy one! Idiots don't get sick! :D]

Just in case, yeah?

[He isn't clinging. Kanda does not cling. And what do the lack of people from home have anything to do with whether you stay or go? You're staying, dammit. You don't have to be a Bookman here. Why do you want to be?

Yes, well, even he gets lonely and needs little things himself. It's only fair that he returns the favor to Lavi, too. And he kind of misses meditating with someone else, even if it's been...what feels like a year since he's done so.

You can only protect the closeness for as long as you're willing to stay there with him and everyone else, though, Lavi.

They can do that. And let Alma help, since he was the one that wanted to take charge of the garden. All the supplies would have to come from Credinta, though, and most likely a little at a time.

But idiots also say what?]

All right. Just in case.

[You're clinging metaphorically if not physically. You've become dependent on his existence here. And you know that's not good, you're supposed to be that giant oak tree that stands on its own and withstands the onslaught of time and storms. You're that rock. If anything Lavi should be the one dependent on you. But his idea of duty still hasn't disappeared, he still feels like he has to do his job. Even if his other job has been put up on the shelf. But he does it because it's all he has left, if he isn't a Bookman or an Exorcist then what is he?

Lost.

You have Alma. A kid more than willing to spend time with you even if it's gardening. It could be good for you, Kanda. A form of relaxation. Something to broaden your world. So it's not all soba, meditation, and training. Lavi doesn't mind spending time with Kanda but he can't be the only thing that he's got.

And closeness...it might have to take a hit. If he does (eventually) go home.

They're not...idiots?]

Thank you, no reason for you to get tossed in jail because your Russian is ancient.

[He's not clinging, and they've both become dependent on who here's. But he's not that rock anymore, being here and actually getting close to a select few people (mostly Lavi and Allen) has made him softer. A rock wouldn't reflect on its past mistakes like he does, and he does it a lot more than he used to. At least when he acts, it's sometimes stupidly and rashly as per usual? There's always that small comfort.

You're not lost, Lavi.

Alma's a special case, you know that. And he does miss gardening, sometimes, though the land here might make it difficult, a little. And it won't be easy to gather supplies to maintain a proper garden. But he does intend to try, to teach Alma the things he's learned over the years.

Then he'll so very, very gladly punch your face if you leave and he sees you again, like he plans to do with Allen. And Kanda. And...others.

They are, though. A pair of idiots.]

It is not!

[That dependency is clinging and you know it. And even if you've gotten mushy, you're still that rock. Because Lavi has no one else to go to but you when he can't handle things anymore. You're still his rock. The one that hits him upside the head or kicks him in the ass when he needs it. Someone who listens when he finally does need to talk.

He would be if he didn't have being a Bookman.

It doesn't matter, you have him and you have Lavi. Lavi just...has you. And if the land in town is too troublesome there's always land outside the city limits. They can build a crude cabin to keep out the elements, or fix up a house out there.

Only if he gets to do the same to you.

Is that what they say about idiots though?]

It is too, no one uses that word for umbrella anymore.

[Denial!!! Well, of course he'll be there for you, and of course he'll hit you when he needs it. It's what he does, and has done for years. Even before they were brought here, though he might have been as willing at home. That's what ~~friends~~ comrades are for, yes?

You'd still have him. He'd keep you from being lost, even if it has to be at a distance.

He wished he'd truly had Alma. But, he's completely fine with just being with him as he is now, an innocent and oblivious child. And they could expand Nesreca a little, couldn't they? Slowly, if only to try and get away from these ruins.

Naturally.

Probably.]

... Close enough.

[Lavi doesn't know, he hasn't had comrades or friends before now. He's still adjusting and sometimes other things take him by surprise.

♥]

No private lessons?

[Well, isn't that what friends are for? At least one of them will always be around with you, Lavi, that's just how stubborn they are.

..............♥]

What? No, my Russian's fine. [Watch him ask later...]

[He supposes, he's still getting used to it. You know that. You are too.]

Then you should go try to have a twenty minute conversation with someone our age over there, see how far you get conversing about the weather.