niteo_logs | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Elizabeth Tudor, Open
When: [Forward Dated to:] 19th of May
Where: Her sewing chair, common room thing.
Rating: PG
Summary: Feels. Alcohol. How depressing it is to have all your stories end in "and then they were executed." Also: drinking from mid morning is perfectly acceptable for Tudor-times. Triggery? For executions and general horribleness?

Elizabeth prided herself on her mask. Chipped as it was in places, it did not take much for her to smile and cover almost every ill completely until something made her snap. To breeze by like she was unaffected when otherwise her heart was in her throat. So when it slipped, she was left at the strangest feeling of vulnerability. Today happened to be one of those days, where it felt like it was falling out of her hands again, when for sheer anniversaries sake, her mind strayed from her otherwise tight hold. She couldn’t find the energy to be her usual self, her hair was left free, her dress plain black and as she took up her usual seat for sewing, it felt a physical effort to summon a smile. She longed for company, but had long since lost the ability to ask for it.

Her design for sewing was simple, and selfishly only for her, though she’d promised to do things for others (they were at a bundle in a basket next to her chair). A swan with red edging. The mundane action let her mind drift, and the more it drifted, the more she drank, forgetting to even eat. A glass for her fierce mother, whose bold day it was. Another for her father, and Jane Seymour. Half a bottle for Katherine Howard, another half for her brother and sister. A bitter mouthful for Thomas Seymour and Katherine Parr. It became almost calculated. Dudley, Wolsingham, and the decision she had to make. Duty, her country and loneliness. The horror of being in this place, when speaking to Thor and Loki had made her miss her home so much.

By the time she reached half way through the third bottle some time had passed, she was feeling light headed and she sunk back into the chair. She longed for home, of her ladies to sit with, as they laughed over this Lord or that Lady. She fell into memories, and found solace like that. The sewing fell out of her hands, the red thread unravelling as it hit the ground, the swan missing all but it’s head, she drifted off into a unhappy doze, light as it was. The bottles and her half filled glass by her feet, rather telling proof of how much she had drunk. There was enough left, that someone else could have a glass too, should they want it.

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Elizabeth was amazed really, that you could be so pale and still be warm, and her fingers ran up across her cheek bone.

"Seldom do. I didn't ask for red hair, but I am thankful for it. It means I truly was my father's child, not a bastard whore's child like everybody said I was. No one could refute it. It's obvious whose babe I was."

Her hands kept moving, to Raven's forehead and the little stone there. "How curious, you look like one of those women from India I saw once. But I think their's are just paint..." Curious still, she just lightly brushed her fingers over it.

It certainly didn't feel like paint, for all the second Elizabeth's finger ghosted over it before Raven moved back. Quickly; scooting slightly and turning, and obviously tense now. A moment of shock, and pause, before quietly saying. "Sorry...just...I'm...not used to being touched."

Shifting slightly in her cloak, still so covered up and yet now obviously with her knees curled up against her chest, her arms around them. A very un-lady-like position, but for the pile of blue fabric keeping her covered. "I...was raised in somewhat of an ascetic childhood. I'm well-versed in the occult though, and most of my studies would be familiar to you as a form of Alchemy." Offered as an explanation for part of why Raven was closed off, even as she was clearly also wanting to be around the Queen.

"The women in India likely have it painted on their forehead much for the same reasoning behind my own though. It's a chakra; it specifically is the chakra representing the 3rd eye, denoting clarity and fore-knowledge if possible. Chakras being a concept of points of energy along the body that can affect one's mood and health, and being originally an Indian belief". Raven was clearly much more comfortable discussing academic subjects, rather than herself.

Mistaking it, Elizabeth looked a little bit aghast. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise it hurt. Forgive me."

Elizabeth didn't care so much for lady like. It was unlady like to be so intoxicated and so many kinds of Un-Queenly to be so in front of other people. "I see, an alchemist is it then?" She smiled broadly. "My court Alchemists are such clever men most times, I do enjoy their company." Probably why she enjoyed Raven's too, she thought.

"Chakra? Really? I've not heard such a term before. I think I would greatly like such an ability though, and know the things to come." She laughed, settling back in her chair. "But that would perhaps be cheating."

"It's...not that it hurt, more that I'm...not used to physical contact outside of certain circumstances. You surprised me." Raven did offer a small, very shy smile. Seen at the corners of her lips, more than anything...and rare.

"It's more that it opens the consciousness to hidden worlds, but each of the chakra points has a specific meaning and purpose. The 3rd eye is specifically the Ajna chakra. They go in a straight line, up the body...from the groin, to the next spot just below the belly button. Then at the solar plexus, the heart, the throat, the 3rd eye, and the crown--at the top of one's head."

Scooting closer once more, still in her cloak, but...more comfortable. "The ajna chakra is favored in mystical studies though, for its links with clarity and hidden knowledge."

"It's alright, I understand some of it." Well, sort of, she was used to having at least three ladies undress her at the best of times. It was intimacy she had very little of. But regardless, she returned Raven's smile, just as faint.

She was completely fascinated with what Raven was saying. She'd heard parts of this, in different ways. "Do all those places symbolise something different? Like the one in the mind is for knowledge." She tried to say the name, stumbling a little on the foreign word. "Ar-jna" Frowning, that didn't sound right.

"They do. And you can just call them by where they are, rather than the actual names...those are more complicated." Now it was odd; Raven was almost shy, even as this was clearly more comfortable territory for her.

"The crown, at the top of the head, tends to represent pure consciousness. Neither object, nor subject; purely the state of being. The 3rd eye, as I said, is clarity and hidden wisdom, intuitiveness. The throat chakra represents clear communication and growth via expression. The heart chakra is related to emotions, unsurprisingly; and consciousness of the heart and soul."

Raven paused, making sure Elizabeth was following. Patient, but not dumbing it down or expecting her to have trouble beyond them being foreign and difficult customs. Speaking plainly, but for the ease of it.

"Oh good, I don't think I am quite capable at the moment. Are they in Indian?" Not knowing much about the country itself. They hadn't acknowledged her after all. So they could keep their sultans as far as she was concerned, she'd only wanted the spices anyway.

"I see," Curious, to the different relations. "So the heart is of the emotions there too. I know it is in Greek and Roman traditions as well... it's fascinating. Please, continue." There really wasn't anything so enjoyable to her as learning. She'd always had a taste for it. Especially when it was something that interested her. Never really had a particular fault with the arcane or occult either, even her father had had astrologers.

It was clear again, that Elizabeth was from an older time; Raven deciding to not go into the tangents of there being no single 'Indian' language per se, or how the heart is the center of the emotions in many many cultures. One step at a time, and it was nice to find another who enjoyed learning, finding out new things.

"There's a lot we've learned since your era, that you'll find fascinating." She contented herself with mentioning, then moved on with the last 3 chakra. "The solar plexus chakra, located just below the heart, is associated with growth of personal power. Like how if you truly need to speak loudly, you don't want to shout from your lungs, but from your diaphragm which is in the solar plexus area."

"The next spot, located just below your belly, is called the Sacral chakra. Associated and representing enthusiasm, and the utilization of creative forces into all aspects of one's being. The last chakra, and usually one starts here and works their way up through the chakras--is the Root chakra. It's located in the groin, and grounds us, relates to basic human instinct and survival."

Raven paused, reaching up to tuck some hair behind her ear. Almost seeming nervous for a moment. "I...mentioned I'm from a far more futuristic time than you yes? I can show you how to meditate through the chakras, but my mode of dress will scandalize you." Her way of warning, as she still very much wanted to be around her majesty.

Those things at least of right this moment, would have gone straight over her head. Her knowledge was so very limited about India at least. Poor island nation not worth trading with indeed.

She took all of it in, it was all very interesting, different to anything she had ever heard, and she completely sure the bishops would burn the girl for saying most of it, but the bishops liked to burn anything that was smarter then them. Thank god they had never gotten around to chopping her head off at least. But she banished those thoughts almost immediately. "Honesty, your clothing is the least of the worries on my mind on this day of all days, but I promise I will be properly aghast like only a paragon daughter of Henry Tudor can be. It involves fainting and a great deal of shocked gasping."

Her ladies did it all the time when they wanted attention from one of the males in present company. She hated it really.

That actually prompted a very quiet laugh. Closest Raven actually came to giggling, really. "I'll take shocked gasping, but I think the fainting would be a bit much, Majesty."

Odd, how she still remained calm through it. "Mostly it's just in my world, and my time...where I'm from, I am part of a team that works as a sort of free-lance constabulary. It means, cloak aside, I need to be ready for action at almost any time, so my...outfit is designed for this.

Warning, even as Raven ignored that she was nervous. Still, things had gone well so far, and she was finding she wanted to be remain around Elizabeth. Now she stood, getting to her feet fluidly. "Mostly, it means that my legs are bare." Letting her cloak fall behind her, and revealing her 'uniform' as she viewed it. A black long sleeved and turtleneck leotard, the jeweled belt, the boots...and very bare, pale, legs.

"Oh good, because I'm a terrible actress without any lines to say. Not so good at fainting either." The few times she had, had been genuine.

Nodding, she took everything in, mentally preparing herself for the worst. What on earth did she wear under there? Did Elizabeth even care right now? It was as she had wanted, a distraction.

Though really, looking at her bare legs, she did look surprised, but that was either because she hadn't had enough to drink, or too much. It was practical, she titled her head one way, then the other. "... Don't you get cold? I'd be freezing here. My four layers of petticoats do serve a purpose, contrary to popular belief."

Oh, and for Raven's sake, trying to hold in her laughter, she pressed her fingers to her lips and mocked a gasp of surprise. "My lady, what ever would your mother say?! You'll be called a common strumpet."

Again that quiet giggle, Raven letting the cloak fall once more. "My mother is well aware, but I doubt cares very much. I'm also far more covered than many women, who go out to dance or behave in an unseemly manner, already." It was sarcastic, but gently so, as Raven was still amused.

"I do, which is why I usually stay covered up. I'm pondering scavenging up some different clothing, really. I'm also decent at ignoring things though." She had to be, really.

"In any case, the chakra tend to represent spiraling vortices of energy. And one would start meditating upon them by moving from the bottom at the root," Her hand gestured, moving up along the chakra as she did so. "up to the crown. I just...wanted to show you, but it wouldn't have made sense while covering up so much."

Elizabeth laughed at well, before settling back in her chair.

"I saw something like that when I was in the city across the river. It was very strange. Men here are very strange, I honestly swear they are both more and less like I remember them to be, it's a headache trying to deal with them sometimes." Boys, really, with bigger swords, and she groaned faintly at the thought of it. That was enough to give her the hung over headache already.

"Well if need any help modifying anything, or just warm clothing at all till you find something better... well, I suppose summer is coming, so it's not necessary yet. You have time to find warmer things." She shrugged. Raven would come to her if she truly needed it.

"The logic procession through the stages of being then?" Even drunk, she was quick to latch onto the concepts. They all represented something. Symbolism she understood. After that conversation with Wolsingham she she knew what had to do. That just sent her thoughts dark again, in such a irreversible way and she sighed.

"... Do you know what day it is?"

Raven would indeed, as she's good at scavenging, not so much at modifying. And she was very pleased to find Elizabeth latching on, nor was she unaware of the change of mood. Settling once more on the floor, still bundled in her cloak but less concerned now should Elizabeth see her 'attire', Raven nodded. "It is a logical progression through the stages of being. And sadly, I do not know what day it is. I neglected to look."

Pausing, then asking quietly and delicately. "I...I'm a good listener. What's wrong Elizabeth?" Prepared for the queen to not open up to her, but offering all the same.

Elizabeth settled into her chair, looking out of the window again, it was getting dark, and really she ought not be near anyone till her mind settled some. But she had to get some of it out of her mind.

"... It's the 19th of May. My mother was executed today. Beheaded by a sword and so died a bold death by everyone's accounts. The rest is just memories." She didn't look at Raven while she said any of this, just kept watching the dimming landscape. "Do you suppose it's wrong to find solace in memories? Even if they are not particularly good ones? Or clear any more? I loved my father, even if I perhaps ought not to. To be in his presence was like to be near the sun for awhile. So joyous, so full of life at times, it burnt you right through. I cannot explain what court is like, but it like a great nest, and all lived to see the King smile." Her mind was embellishing again, but it felt so much sweeter that way.

Raven listened, quiet and attentive, and making no judgement. Even without prying, the melancholy was clear to her Empathy, and rare for Elizabeth. "There's nothing wrong in finding solace in memories--they help us be who we are, whether we want to be that way or not." Quietly said, but with a gentleness to her tone. "It only becomes a hindrance when that's all we do... Right now you're having a moment of melancholy, and that's ok. So long as it is only a moment, then you will be fine."

"It's easy in England, after all, there are so many kinds of entertainment available. I think it's why I drank instead. I can hardly beck and call people here. That's arrogant, even for me."

That and her pride rejected every notion of asking for help for such things. She didn't know how or what she had done, but she seemed to falling into some kind of... older sister role. It seemed wrong to be weak so briefly to her own emotions. Even if privately she knew how much they ruled her.

"I do not think it will though, when everyone is so kind to me here." Well, almost everyone. She seemed to be making progress with Kanda though.

"I'm good at keeping secrets, so I won't tell others you needed these moments." Said with another shy smile, Raven still hoping she was bringing some comfort, even if it didn't feel like it to her.

"Of course you are. I often think that is a woman's job more then anything else. Not to bear children, or run a household, or any of those things. It is to keep secrets. But men seldom appreciate that."

She reached out again, and lightly brushed fingers across Raven's hair, being mindful to not go near her strange crystal again. Elizabeth liked her, very much, and she was mostly sure it wasn't just the alcohol talking.

Raven tensed again, still not used to being touched--but she was still, and so Elizabeth was allowed to run her fingers across the dark-purple strands cut short. "Not all women are, and some men are very good at secret-keeping too, but...much of my life is spent in the shadows."

"If you're feeling better, bed would likely be a good idea soon, Elizabeth." It was said mildly though, as Raven was trying to be solicitous. Sometimes people needed to talk things out though, to purge their inner worries, and if Elizabeth wasn't finished with that, then Raven would wait.

"Yes like Wolsingham. Man's got spies everywhere. I'm glad he's on my side. I'd hate to know what would have happened to me had he any less of a moral centre." In that he knew where his duty lay, and all manner of cruelty was excusable for it.

"I suppose you are right. I don't suppose you know any alchemy for me to not dream do you? I always have the same dream on such occasions, and I grow weary of watching my own execution." It's said with a tired smile, bundling up her sewing and putting it in her basket, nearly knocking her glass over. But just to make sure, she drank what was left in it, not need to waste anything.

"Not alchemy, but I can still assist." Raven got to her feet, moving to help carry stuff as well as to steady Elizabeth. For all she was petite, Raven was sturdier than she looked. "I can block your dreams while I meditate; it'll allow you to get some rest, if that would be acceptable."

As soon as she stood up, she remembered why standing was such a awful idea. The room span and the earth seemed to shift under her feet. Immediately she latched on to Raven, hand braced on her shoulder. Would feel a little bad for her being so little, and Elizabeth so tall. Actually, as she blinked down at her, Raven looked the height of a child. Little as those Uchiha boys were. She'd ask later how old Raven was... if she remembered.

"Oh dear, suddenly I remember why I fell asleep in the chair. Leave the sewing. No one is going to take it after all. Just... slow steps."

"A moment, Elizabeth, and I can help." Raven immediately shifted her stance slightly as she placed the sewing back down to better support the other. Taking a deep breath, and passively extending her Empathy in a wave of 'calm and ease'. Without the extra things to carry, she was able to support the taller woman more easily.

Definitely sturdier than she seemed, as she helped Elizabeth move slowly towards her room. "You'll be fine, with some rest."

It worked, there was an ease then, that the alcohol didn't provide for all it's ability to mute, but she just put it down to the prospect of bed, and getting out of her corset.

"Oh I doubt that very much. I know exactly what's waiting for me in a few hours, and it's as pleasant as a kick to the head." She laughed, though not much because she was concentrating on walking step by step out of the room, trying to think where her room was again...

"... Pox ridden, wine sodden, son of a whore, there's stairs to my room. Why stairs? I hate stairs. I am four hundred years into the future and people still have stairs." It's a muttered little outburst that gets louder in her frustration.